Saturday, April 30, 2011

Women Are Dirty

I knew it!  Women can be every bit equal to the average man in their sluttiness.  It makes sense.  Although to see it actually in "print (what do we call it online?)," it is interesting to read.

2 men at once, huh.  Whew.  Hmmmmm ... You really gotta love a woman to go there.  JUST SAY NO TO SWORD-CROSSING.   Blech ... ick ....   Don't you wish more women would lose the inhibition and strip?  It is so basic as humans.  Why women paint their lips red .... why they sway their hips ... why they use tears - - CAUSE THAT SHIAT WORKS!   2011 and nothing really has changed.  Check it out ....

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top10-female-sex-fantasies.html

Friday, April 29, 2011

Rich? Is that you?

Ok, this is the soft side speaking.  I heard this song and it blew me away.  Guys, don't be a dick.  If you don't get a little something in your eye, you ain't right.  I know, I know.  Here comes the "Grow a Pair" comments.   Play it for your girlfriend/wife.  Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts.  Best voice I've heard since Amy ----- (crap, what's her name) in Evanescence /////
Enjoy!

I will not complain about my sore feet any more .....

http://www.digtriad.com/video/default.aspx?bctid=680442833001#/Feature+Story:++Tom+Herbert%27s+Zero+Handicap/680442833001

There is no comment.  Peace.

Milk Busters

The Fed's just cracked down on some of society's most dangerous individuals.  Fines and perhaps jail time is coming to these crooks!!   Amish Milk Sellers.

Back in my home state, where we used to sometimes drink Raw Milk (unpasteurized),  we could get our hands on it under the watch of Big Guv.  The Amish are being hauled into court for selling this evil contra-band.  That's right.  We don't have enough money to fund schools (allegedly!), but months and months of stealth and 5am visits have finally paid off.  They got their men.

Seriously.  Many people think raw milk is actually better for you.  The fat content is amazing and something like 5% or more - it actually floats to the top!  There is a possible risk of Salmonella where proper health procedures have not been followed.  Yep, that's always been a growing threat to society.

People are pissed.

The one old farmer we would buy it from occasionally was just outside a little Menonnite (sic?) community in Mifflin County and he was already under heat back in the 80's.  So he would just leave an honest jar ... folks would come in and "buy" want they wanted and leave the money in a jar.   To avoid him getting busted.

Great story for all those who want more government in their lives because they're too feeble to take care of themselves. 

Joke BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR

Friday Farce!!

One rainy spring night in north Lansing, `a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.   Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped across North Larch and into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered." Michigan Avenue," answered the woman. "OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "just what the hell are you looking at?'"  "Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."  The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, Does this answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"

Teacher Strike II

Because 3 months of vacation just isn't enough ....

Here it comes.  Maybe.  A possible walkout by your kids teachers.  We've covered this but now it's closer to reality.  WHAT DO WE DO IF TEACHERS IN MICHIGAN STRIKE?  Blog below ...

The Board of Directors of the MEA met Thursday, and there's little doubt the votes from the 1,100 local teachers unions on whether or not they support a state-wide strike were discussed.
But the MEA is staying mum. President Iris Salters said "the results are for internal, strategic purposes and will not be released publicly."
"The MEA owes it to their members to be transparent and tell them what's going on," Kyle Olson, CEO of the Education Action Group, said.
Olson said he's talked with several Michigan teachers who voted "no" but fear a strike will be authorized anyway, and without the vote totals,,, he says no one can know for sure if it really passed.
"They are concerned there is an agenda that's being pushed in Lansing toward an action and they're concerned about it," he said.
The MEA's position is that its members and a majority of voters oppose lawmakers ongoing attacks on public education and will not remain silent about their dissent. But Salters said a strike is only one of many "crisis activities" on the table.
Republican lawmakers are not waiting around for a MEA decision, bills were passed out of committee Wednesday that they hope persuades teachers to stay on the job.
"We have to abide by the law and making strikes illegal is not enough of a deterrent for the MEA," Rep. Paul Scott said.
Rep. Scott's bill would de certify any union that engages in an organized strike. The full house could vote on it soon.
Rep. Bill Rogers is in full support of bills that tighten penalties should the teachers strike.
"There should be some repercussions for something that's totally illegal." Rep. Rogers said.
For now, no one knows what the future holds because the MEA isn't saying.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Helga

Yeah, I know ... Hurd it.  But you still laugh ........

It was a hot day in Minnesota . Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

"Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street .

She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.

"Ya know," Helga said in a timid voice.... "I don't usually go into bars but today I vill make an exception... It is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer".

"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"

Excellent Video - Beastie Boys

K, tyler ackerson put it first on FBook .... This is multi-dimensional, lingual, cultural and demo .... mY Gawd - A Delorean!!!   A diss on Eminem and Steve Buscemi (rocks!) .... no way ... Will F?

Gas IV - While You Were Sleeping

Good Morning!  6am (up since 4) ... one day closer to getting back on the air.

While you slept last night, gas went up another 6+ cents per gallon.  Amazing.  The same liquid gold that was in the ground yesterday, jumped overnight!  This is an economy killer.  I feel like this is the 1970's all over again.  Everything sucked!   (Which is okay, because we came out of it very strong despite all the negative talk at the time).

Who to blame?  Big Oil?  Don't think so.  Your government can't control spending and we have a massive bloated budget at every level and the rest of the world is losing confidence in America.  Are you?  Have you dialed a hack in DC to give them a piece of your mind?  How 'bout Debbie Stabemnow?  Karl Marx with his glasses on his nose?   If the dollar is not worth crap, we pay more on the world market.  I am inclined to point to the dollar and say this is another consequence. 

Do you know how to use your phone?!?    Have a great day.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

GAS III - Don't Look

I think that part of this is due to our collapsing dollar - as our country can't pay it's debt and it's costing us more on the world market.  Thoughts?  Before you jump into corporate bashing .... Maybe?  The dollar?
We do buy our oil with dollars and the american peso is in trouble.

Feel bad for Bo

When they talk about Bo being gone all the time or out on the golf course or cruising around the world hiding from pissed off Americans, they never cut him any slack.  After all, many have forgotten that the wife's mother is also living there.  True.  Another sponge.  Hell, if your mother in law lived with you, you'd be scarce, too.  Just sayin.   Throwing the hate crowd on the left a BONE ....

Momma finally came out and they got her picture today on the lawn:    Nice Eyeshadow

Whackos - Bring out you Dead

Fantastic.   If more murderous idiots would off themselves, it would sure save us a lot of money baby-sitting the maggots.  Which reminds me, anybody know when the tv show Dexter returns to tv?  You know, the murderer.  But he only kills serial killers and evil people.  So you kinda like him.  Sort of like your brother in law except when he hasn't returned those yard tools from last year that you now need.    Sick story.

Power Saw Used In Plymouth Murder-Suicide

April 26, 2011 12:45 PM
Officers were called to this home on Farmhurst Road Monday night.
Officers were called to this home on Farmhurst Road Monday night.
Reporting Bill Shields
PLYMOUTH (CBS) – Police are trying to figure out what happened after a gruesome incident in Plymouth late Monday night.
Officers were called to a home on Farmhurst Road around 10 p.m. for a well-being check.
When they arrived, they saw a man sitting in the family room. The man then picked up a power circular saw and cut one of his legs.
WBZ-TV’s Bill Shields reports.
He was rushed to the hospital where he died.
As officers searched the home they also found a dead woman in a bed and two dead dogs.  It’s not clear yet how they died.  The woman had been dead for several days, according to investigators.
WBZ NewsRadio 1030’s Jim Smith reports

The owner of the home Tim Moll told WBZ NewsRadio 1030 the couple was from Vermont and was behind on their rent.
It’s not known if that was a factor in the murder-suicide.
No names have been released yet.

Obama is actually Superman!

That's right.  Obama landed here on a space ship in 1961, one year after me, from the exploding planet Krypton.  His cape is not always visible, but it is there!  Obviously something is a-foul.  Damned Birthers.

Still, in the USA TODAY poll, only 38% of Americans say Obama definitely was born in the USA, and 18% say he probably was. Fifteen percent say he probably was born in another country, and 9% say he definitely was born elsewhere.

Gas - lighter

Yeah that's it.  I knew there would some d.a. reason thrown out there for the price ... Some are saying this refinery leak may make it worse.   Sounds like somebody flicked their bic in their pants pocket, "Say, there went the price of gas!!"    Drill Alaska Now.  And Even Harder!

TEXAS CITY, Texas — A butane leak at a Southeast Texas refinery led to a shelter-in-place order for about an hour after emergency sirens had been activated. No injuries were reported in the leak at Marathon’s Texas City refinery. The shelter in place order was lifted Sunday night for the east side of the city.

I dunno.  I haven't heard the President Candyman Brach given anything better .....

Gas - Headed towards .... ? Infinity & Beyond!!!

What a load.  Why aren't we pumping oil out of Iran in exchange for the service and the lives we have given?  I never would've gone without that understood up front.  When the commies said it was all about oil, I woulda said:  "Damn straight.  And your livelihood, punk!"   Michigan reporting up to $4.21 a gallon?

And here's another:  I stopped at the Sunoco on West Saginaw (Sunoco is Terrorist Free - please consider that) and the Premium was actually a penny cheaper than the regular unleaded!   WTF???  That tells me it must be a refinery issue as well.

Or the American peso is turning into dog crap and everything is going to cost us more ... Your rant welcome.

The 1970's Misery Index redux

Monday, April 25, 2011

Where are the War Protestors?

John Stossel made an excellent observation:  Where have all the Protestors Gone?  (Sing it to peter, paul and mary!!!!).   Really.  When Bush was in charge, he was a lying murderer and Dick Cheney was Darth Vadar.  So now, we have expanded war activity in Afghanistan and Libya and you don't hear a peep?  Frankly, that's fine with me because I am a Hawk.  But what is this crap?  So like I've said before, the demonstrators weren't really for saving the world or keeping the peace or spreading peace and live - they just are Partisan Hacks?    And it was probably the Commie-Leftists-Socialists - AGAIN - who fed, paid for and bussed in the hysterical nutjobs.  The only thing worse is I have heard a few Republicrats switch to anti-war fever.  What a load.

I felt better when Bush/Cheney was in charge.  I like the fact that Cheney is a prick.  Nice people who smile a lot usually have a different agenda.

Richs People Poll

Question:  Blog anonymously your comment for all to see. 

What is your favorite?  Home Depot?  Lowes?  Menards?  of the big box stores.   I would like to also put a plug in for Ace Hardware and some of the Mom & Pop shops while we are at it. 

But of the Big Boxes, where do you go the most?  Does it matter?   It seems like men like Home Depot, women prefer Lowes and I am a Menards shopper.

You Right Wing Haters

Certain Friends forwarded this to me.  Is there no respect for the Presidency any longer?   Should I put a Hawaiian lei around it like a frame?   

HATERS!!!!!!!!

Saving Money Camping

It's true.  Up by Leroy last Summer.  I took my chainsaw to cut my own wood ... jammed the saw when the tree went the wrong way ... then had to rescue my $500 saw by attaching rope to truck to help tree come down.  Stupid is as stupid does.   DOH.  While this may not be the ACTUAL photo, this is a facsimile.  Mike Lewis - you smartass  ; )

Tax the Rich!!!!

Who defines what is Rich?  What is that?  As a person who was raised by a single working mother who made about 8,000 a year at the most in the 60's ..... maybe $11k in the 70's .... and raised 4 boys and took care of her mother - all under one roof in our rented $30 a month house.

I thought the American dream was to climb out of poverty and do better for yourself?  We were raised that way.  How to get by on virtually nothing - and not ask for a hand out.  To us, rich would have been 20k a year. 

Some people think 50,000 dollars a year.  And some I've talk to say you are really loaded if you make 6 figures.  Bollox!  What has happened to us?  We've turned into a bunch of greedy bastards. 

Did  you know that if you took every dime earned by every American who earned $100,000 a year, you STILL could not balance the budget (Stuart Varney on Fox Business Channel - thx Neil Rohrs for showing me this)!!!

And THEN, we still have the accumulated DEBT of $14.3 trillion!!!!

It is not a TAXING PROBLEM - it is SPENDING.  OUT OF CONTROL.  By EVERY ONE OF THEM.  Mostly Leftist Demoncrats, but many Republicrats!!!

Ever This Drunk

Hope ya'll had a good weekend.   This guy did ...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Wow ... goosebumps

Tell your friends.  This is very powerful.  On so many levels ....

Unemployed but Liking myself better!!

Asshole of the Week Award to Garl Earl.  Sounds like the idiots in charge of giving college students Bridge Cards here in Michigan.

You've lost your job, but now you've earned a SUPER HERO Cape!!!!  OFLMAO!!!   This is ultimate trickery, feel good, liberal bullshit I've heard of.  Connecting with the community by handing out capes so you can act out your favorite SUPERHERO!!!   "Hi, what's your name?"   "I'm UIA Man!!  I do amazing keystrokes for 30 seconds every 2 weeks!  I'm unstoppable."     Instead of an economy, we've got more and more waste ... while the national debt is a record 14.3 trillion!   "Hey, you!  In the dumpster!"   Out comes, Maggot Man!!  But he feels good about himself.
D U M B   A S S   A W A R D!!!!

ORLANDO, Fla. – Florida officials are investigating an unemployment agency that spent public money to give 6,000 superhero capes to the jobless.  Workforce Central Florida spent more than $14,000 on the red capes as part of its "Cape-A-Bility Challenge" public relations campaign. The campaign featured a cartoon character, "Dr. Evil Unemployment," who needs to be vanquished.  Workforce Central Florida Director Gary J. Earl defends the program, saying it is part of a greater effort to connect with the community. The agency says it served 210,000 people during its last fiscal year, placing nearly 59,000 in jobs.

Generous Motors -

NEW YORK — A report that the US government plans to sell off much of its remaining stake in General Motors this year despite the firm's lackluster share price caused investors to flee the stock Tuesday.
After the Wall Street Journal reported a government sale could come within the next six months, GM's shares fell by nearly 1.3 percent to end at $29.59.
The government sale would "almost certainly" mean that US taxpayers would take a loss from a politically controversial $50 billion rescue of the auto giant in 2009, according to the paper.
The government would need to sell its roughly 500 million shares for $53 dollars each in order to break even, but GM's stock is currently hovering at a price of just under $30 per share.
At the current price, the government would lose more than $11 billion, but the Obama administration is willing to accept the loss in order to cut its last ties to the auto manufacturer, the newspaper said, citing unnamed sources.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

More Blowing, Less Blowing up

Yeah, the fact that these Turbin headed douchebags (I'm talking about the abusive extremists, ok?) treat their women like dogs and crap, it's no wonder they're wound so tight.  If they had a little more of this and some beer (see previous post), life would seem a lot better.  Eating dirt and wiping your ass with your left hand would seem pleasurable.  Who knows, maybe capitalism might kick in.  Down with Oppression!!! 

The world's first Islamic Playmate.   She's got balls.  Er, you know what I mean.  I hope she doesn't end up like Salmon Rushdie (i wouldn't want a last name that had that kind of finality to it ...).

I may have to check out her "mosque!"   What do you think?

Beer!!!!!

 (from Gary Zimmerman)
Ever since they started making the duo core and now quad laptops, who the heck needs an old stand up pc any longer.  Well, here at SchlongStar Beer Company, we have the perfect solution for your man cave!!  Beats any peripheral I've ever installed!!  Yeah!   Some Goose Island ale!!!   Or some of that Dirty Blonde made down in DeRiot, Michigan.  Send me $50 - and I'll get the PC.  This offer expires 3 drinks from now.

Another Whacko Story

What the hell??  The average is 3 inches?!?   Was this done in France?!?  You're kidding me.  //  Alright guys, line up against the wall.  NO WAY@


AFP - Some non-surgical methods for increasing the length of the male sex organ do in fact work, while others are likely to result only in soreness and disappointment, a review of medical literature has shown.
Surgical procedures, however, can be dangerous and have an "unacceptably high rate of complications," according to the study, published this week in the Journal of the British Association of Urological Surgeons.
"An increasing number of patients seek urological advice for the so-called 'short penis'," the researchers reported.
This is true despite the fact that "penile length is normal in most of these men, who tend to overestimate normal phallic dimension."
A male member -- measured on the dorsal, or upper, side -- can be considered normal in length if it is at least four centimetres (1.6 inches) when limp, and 7.5 centimetres (three inches) when rigid, noted several of the studies evaluated.  ///  ha, ha, ha ..... you're kidding !!!!!  //   "Hey Mouse!!!"
Some allowances, they added, must be made for a man's height and his body-mass index (BMI), which measures deviation from optimal levels of body fat.
To determine the efficacy and safety of both surgical and non-surgical techniques for so-called "male enhancement," Marco Orderda and Paolo Gontero of the University of Turin in Italy canvassed scientific literature.
They found 10 relevant studies. Half reported on surgical techniques, performed on 121 men.
Among the non-invasive methods, tested on 109 subjects, so-called penile extenders that stretch the phallus through traction were shown to be most effective.
One study reported an average increase of 1.8 centimetres (0.7 inches), while another measured an extra 2.3 centimetres (0.9 inches) in a flaccid state, and 1.7 centimetres (0.67 inches) when erect.
But the regimen for achieving these gains was arduous: six hours of daily traction over four months in the first case, and four hours every day over six months in the second.
Another device, known as a "penis pump," uses a manual or motorised pump to create a vacuum inside a hard cylinder sheath, stretching the phallus.
Six months of treatment, however, "was not found to be effective for penile elongation, although is provided some sort of psychological satisfaction for some men," the researchers said.
So-called peno-scrotal rings -- expandable or rigid bands that fit around the base of the scrotum and penis -- "might help to augment penile size and maintain erections in men suffering from anxiety", they reported, but only two cases were evaluated.
Advertisements claiming that another popular technique -- so-called "penile lengthening exercises" -- can add centimetres or inches to one's manhood are unfounded, say Oderda and Gontero.
Even the methods that did show some increase in length did not result in a gain in thickness, they noted.
But nor was their shrinkage.
"It is interesting that no girth decrease was reported with traction therapy, as one would have instinctively thought," the researchers said.

comment:   Claude Morey Is that after getting wet, like from a shower or the pool.15 minutes ago ·

Aaarrrrr!! Smokey the Stabber!

A man stabbed a woman in the head with a pencil on the subway during morning rush hour Tuesday after she complained that he lit a cigarette inside the car.   The man and the woman had gotten into an argument over the lit cigarette when the man pulled out a pencil and stabbed her in the head.  //  HELL, THAT'S FOREPLAY IN CHARLOTTE!

Passengers ran to alert the conductor after the train pulled into the station.

The woman was taken to the hospital, where she was treated for a minor flesh wound.  //  IT'S ONLY A FLESH WOUND!"  (name that movie)

Bored - Unemployment

You know you've been out of work too long when you listen for the mail truck to come by and know it by it's squeaky brakes ....

Good things about to happen.  Several options as there is movement on the legal front.  Can not detail yet and here, but it's good. 

Stay tuned ....

Monday, April 18, 2011

WHATCHAMACALLIT lightbulbs

My cry for help.  So I was environmentally conscious (?) and replaced most of the bulbs in the house with those new-fangled curly doo-hickey jobs.  While cleaning (ha!), I dropped one of the damned things and it shattered!  Smoke went rising into the air with god-knows what kind of toxic carcinogenic fumes and pieces of the white bulb were everywhere.  So what the hell?  I've heard these things are good for the earth.  Meh, but they may kill you.  But that's okay because we live in a time where many people would like to murder you and your lifestyle for the benefit of the freakin' planet.  Should I evacuate the house?  Do I dial 911?  Since most of the pieces went down on the carpet, should I have kitty check for lymph node problems in the coming months?  Am I required to file any special papers with the EPA or have an investigation?!?!   Oh my God.  This stuff could be like asbestos (which they used when brakes actually worked like brakes are supposed to) that stays around longer than the universe itself!!!   I might need a therapist whom with to discuss this.  And take the cat, since he no doubt is impacted by my bizarre neurotic behavior. 

It was really hard to see all the little pieces in the carpet, too, because I remember when I used REAL lighting in my house, I could actually SEE things.  Now, everything has a weird, darkness about it.

But the earth must be happier!   : )

Hydrogen Cars

We got into a great argument about the "Volt" and other electric or hybrid cars.  To me, the whole thing is a joke on so many levels.  Does that mean I want to be dependent on foreign oil?  HELL NO!  In fact, check out this hydrogen car.  I know it is also costly and still unproven.  But THIS is what I am hoping for.  I would LOVE to drive one of these and review it.  What do you think:

http://automobiles.honda.com/fcx-clarity/

Snow in April! Ppptewie!!!!!

Awesome .... wasn't that lovely yesterday and last night!!    Mother Nature - EAT ME!



the following is from listener "Mike"

INSTALLING SPRING...
███████░░░░░░░░░░ 44% DONE.
Install delayed....please wait.
Installation failed. Please try again. 404 error: Season not found. Season "Spring" cannot be located. The season you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable. Please contact your system administrator...

Bad-Ass Rabbit

I thought rabbits were cute and cuddly and passive ...

Friday, April 15, 2011

Electric Car - Hows THAT working out ...

Those electric cars are HOT!  Smoking Hot!!  You may get a new free home thanks The Volt, via your insurance company.  If early investigation is accurate.  Let's watch this story .....


Fire officials suspect an electric hybrid car may have sparked an overnight blaze in a garage in Barkhamsted on Center Hill Road.
Homeowner Storm Connors and his wife, Dee, said they awoke to the sound of a smoke alarm around 4 a.m. The couple said they have lived in the home for nearly 40 years. They built it and raised their children there, so when the flames took over their attached garage Thursday morning, burning it down to its beams, the couple started to panic. They said they were worried they were going to lose their home and the memories inside."I walked outside and looked in the garage door and it was flaming," Dee Connors said. "I grabbed a pocketbook so I'd have a cellphone and a driver's license and a jacket and a pair of slacks. I had no shoes, my feet were freezing."Within minutes of the 911 call reporting the fire, nearly 50 firefighters from surrounding communities headed to the scene.The Connors family said that response and the fact there was a firewall built between the home and the garage saved their home.After the fire was extinguished, the couple invited Eyewitness News into the home to see how effective the firewall was. Even the coats in a closet near the fire were unscathed -- not even blackened by smoke.Now investigators with the state fire marshal's office and the couple's insurance company are looking into what exactly in the garage sparked the fire.Officials said they can't rule out that the couple's brand new Chevy Volt hybrid had something to do with the blaze.The fire is under investigation.


on this blog, see:  Electric Cars - Because electricity grows on trees ... ha, ha, ha

PEE MY PANTS FUNNY!

Joke

GHOST SEX
A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from back there I thought you said "Goats."

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Taze Me, Bro

One of the most hysterical and different vid's off the www!   Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Libya


Problem in Libya:  They want a new Muslim leader.

Solution:  Give them ours.
Solves 2 problems.

submitted by Ron Granger ; )

SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION IN PORN SHOP!!

My Grandma always said you could go blind .... but catching on fire?

SAN FRANCISCO (CBS 5) — A man was hospitalized Wednesday evening with life-threatening, third-degree burns after catching fire inside a San Francisco porn store, authorities told CBS 5.  The fire occurred at an adult arcade at Sixth and Mission streets just after 6 p.m.
Police officers across the street from the porn shop saw a man run out the front door of the store “engulfed in flames,” ....  he had apparently been watching videos in a private booth when the fire ignited.  //  WTF?  Too much friction on the wood?   // DEBBIE BURNS DALLAS //  Bizarro

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Terrorists Won

Aw crikey - - This crap is ridiculous.  Groping a small child.  She sure fits the profile doesn't she?   No rag on her head.  Not male.  Not between 18 and 24. Not of Middle Eastern skin tones.  

Yep.  Maybe she has the new Blow Up Barbie.  Yeah.  Tucked right there under her belly button where the TSA groper is.   Disgusting to me.

How do you Say Shit in Canuck? Melting Ice

Judging by their accent, this has to be in Canada.  But it has played out right here in Michigan every winter!!!  Gotta love it!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Learnin' Espanol

During this down time, I couldn't qualify for any help with going back to school, so I'm resorting to the best education - Home Schooling.  Self Learning - Spanish (Latin American)1

Oh My God.  I took 4 years of French in high school and that is constantly messing me up and adding confusion to this test.  I have the Instant Immersion disks ... the Pimsleur introduction course (8 parts; haven't touched the rest) .... and I have a partial (er, uh, um) Rosetta Stone.  

Just curious if anyone here has learned the language and has any thoughts?  For example, since I'm audio oriented, the pimsleur (audio) program was very good.  But I had no idea how to spell what I was hearing.  When I started looking at the Instant Immersion and Rosetta Stone and SEEING the words, it blew me away.

Conjugations .... AAAAARRGGGGHH.  I'm not even sure today what an ENGLISH pronoun is, let alone spanish ..... and all these different tenses - is MIND BOGGLING!!!!    But I've come to the conclusion, I've got to go back and learn these basics.

Any thoughts?  What works best for you?  Does it matter? 

How does somebody like Condoleeza Rice speak 6 ? different languages fluently?!?   I must be retarded.

Asta Luego, amigo.  Escribe, por favor.  (or is that escriber?  %!$$!#)

Whackos in the News - Monday edition

In Los Angeles, a van on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries.  The vehicle was carrying a dozen movie stuntmen!!    //  SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T MAKE UP BETTER SHIAT THAN THIS STUFF ~ Rich

The driver of an armored truck in Edmonton, Alberta appeared to be signaling for help as he repeatedly swung his door open. After six police cruisers chased and stopped the truck, it turned out, the driver had simply tried to fan fresh air into the cabin after the other guard 'ripped one.'  //  BOYS WILL BE BOYS ....

COMMERCE CITY, Colo., April 10 (UPI) -- Police in Commerce City, Colo., said a man who created a disturbance at his ex-girlfriend's job was upset about her choice of street gang for their child. Officers said Joseph Manzanares, 19, who was fined $810 after pleading guilty to disorderly conduct, knocked over a computer and a magazine stand at the Hollywood Video, which employs his ex-girlfriend, while the two were arguing, the Rocky Mountain News reported Thursday. A police report said the woman told officers she split with Manzanares, the father of her child, because they have "different ideas about how the baby should be raised." Officer David Swift said he asked the woman to be more specific, and she explained that the parents belong to different street gangs. "They could not agree on which gang the baby would claim," Swift said.  //  I REALLY HATE PEOPLE SOMETIMES .....

Several massage parlors in Indonesia have come up with a unique way of reminding customers that sex is not on the list of services offered -- they've padlocked the skirts and pants of female masseuses. Local TV news reports from the tourist town of Batu show masseuses with small locks on the zippers of their pants and skirts. One politician likes the idea and says it sends a clear message that local massage parlors do not tolerate prostitution, but an official with Indonesia's department of women's affairs calls the padlocking an insult to women.

A Romanian farmer is alive and well, despite the fact he's been using a live artillery shell as an anvil in his barn. The farmer dug up the unexploded shell in his garden a few months ago and began using it as a base to sharpen his farm tools. He told authorities he's been banging on the shell with a hammer without realizing it could have exploded anytime.

Texas - It's a violent and illegal form of entertainment that's popped up at a high school here. They're called "fight clubs" and they could have some students in La Vernia in big trouble. La Vernia police say a group of teens would meet in a school bathroom and then start fighting. They got caught because they used the internet to let everybody know what they were doing. "We don't think this is entertainment or funny," said Dr. Tom Harvey, La Vernia ISD superintendent. Dr. Harvey first heard rumors about these secret fights two weeks ago, but learned they were real after watching them at youtube.com. //  DID I MENTION, I REALLY HATE PEOPLE SOMETIMES?

ONE OF MY FAVORITES:  A California officer charged the driver of a white Mazda with DUI after driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he respon- ded: "It came with the car when I bought it."

Homeless Man's Funeral

okey dokey -- It's Monday!!  And we are OFF like a PROM DRESS ....  Yippee.   Hope ya'all aren't driving up and down the block picking up all yours stuff that has blown off the porch!

Laff a little - (thanks Ron G)


Homeless man's funeral .....
As a bagpiper, I play many places. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost .... It's a man thing.